New Study Finds: Dangers of Bread

WARNING: Health Dangers Revealed

Important New Warnings oOo for those who have been drawn
unsuspectingly into the use of bread: oOo

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming
households score below average on standardized tests. oOo oOo

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in
the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years;
infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in
childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and
influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 85.7 percent of violent crimes are committed within
24 hours of eating bread. oOo oOo

5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of
bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as
little as two days. oOo

6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to
"harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even
cold cuts! oOo oOo

7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. oOo oOo
Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, oOo it follows that eating bread could
lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey oOo bread-pudding person. oOo oOo

8. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees
Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one
minute.

10. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish
between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical
babbling. oOo oOo

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the
following broad bread restrictions: oOo oOo oOo

1. No sale of bread to minors.

2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete with
celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

3. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may
appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

4. Man cannot/ must not try, to live by bread alone-- oOo oOo
[ but also feed on the WORD that God has revealed about living abundantly in Christ!] oOo

oOo oOo THIS IS CERTAINLY FOOD FOR THOUGHT... but don't overdo it,
some "expert" opinions on this topic just might be half-baked. oOo oOo

I really had to pinch myself after reading this-- it surely is a recipe for disaster in the USA!
If you encounter ideas that seem puffed-up, just punch them down and
begin again. oOo oOo Be careful! New dangers can occur when you yeast expect it.
Often these things will ferment when left alone in a warm, dark place. oOo oOo

This gives rise to certain other cautions-- oOo oOo
Beware of those claiming to be born and bread in the U.S.;
Be suspicious of those that use floury language, oOo but have a
lot of dough on their hands-- take them with a grain of salt;

Don't spread yourself too thin-- it helps to roll with the punches;
Fold over in the middle and you'll double in size; oOo oOo

oOo oOo When pressed for information, ask who kneads to know.