Urine Luck! Name Yur Pois-- er--PENIS

WASHINGTON (where else? the real story from Reuters)

Marketers of detoxifying drinks, [sic?] prosthetic penises and other products to thwart drug tests refused to answer questions on Tuesday from U.S. lawmakers. Most of the time criminals don't. Apparently business is booming on the Internet for these "products".

A mind is a terrible thing to waste, but at least you can do it at the expense of other idiots' money. oOo oOo

Owners of three companies, including one that sells a fake penis called "The Whizzinator," oOo oOo appeared at a congressional hearing under close scrotumy, but exercised their right-arm-ability not to testiculate. At least not on the floor. oOo oOo

Keeping their hands in full view, this motley crew of degenerates attempted to justify the use of various ruse-inators and tomfoolery to thwart drug enforcement. When asked to produce the evidence for their claims, one subject attempted to extricate "himself" [ or was it the "plastic-mini-me"] but was whacked-off at the wrist. oOo Ouch oOo

"We will get the facts, Ma'am. This won't stand up in court--just understand that," whispered one plain-clothes detective under the table.

Lawmakers said they were so outraged--

by marketers' brazen claims to help people hide use of cocaine, marijuana or other substances--that they weren't first to think of it themselves. . .
These devices appear to make it possible to also hide your Manhood (OR LACK-OF oOo ) in your pants. There would be a strong market of politicos for this, after all. oOo oOo

"There is absolutely no public good that can be derived from this activity," said a New Hampshire Republican. Vermont, however, had "no comment". Only private individuals need apply--Crackheads may use the backdoor. oOo oOo

One weiner loser who declined to testify was Dennis Catalano, president of Dick StucknHead Tech of California -- the male model for The Whizzinator, a prosthetic penis that sells for $1500 DM and promises to fool "witnesses of drug tests", and live chicken impersonators. oOo oOo
[note to self-- add this "job" to my wishlist]

Hundreds of products, with names like "Urine Luck," and "Pissus Rich" are easily identified by their purple sheathing and elastic rubber-appearance when compared to "the real McCoy" in public on-the-fly-open line-ups on the Hill. oOo oOo

Available over the Internet and in some health-food stores, [sic!] makes you want to eat NON-Organic!] the "offerings" include urine additives to mask drug use, and masks to drug urine drinkers in local pubs. [ And you thought Lite Beer was salty! ] oOo oOo
Some sell these to people as little as 30" (tall, that is).

oOo oOo

The list of affected high-security risk jobs cited as targets for these penile scams is impressive:

Airline pilots, school-bus drivers,

cafeteria ladies, nuclear bomb dealers,

politicians, pedophiles,

fecal-smear artists, con-men,

grifters, gangsters, scheisters, hobos and

shameless AI proponents of "humanity-is-progressing" evolutionism.

These and all others in positions dealing with global security the future of humanity, are subject to the insane capers of this new breed of fools.

oOo oOo It is reported that mandatory drug insertions, through prostethic eurethras, are to commense around the planet. This will be done by "Big Brother", often at random. "THIS represents a potential threat to our national security and public safety," one imbecilic public bonerhead said. [ which? who? whut? oOo Duuh-Oh. . . oOo oOo ]