New Study Finds: Dangers of Bread

WARNING: Health Dangers Revealed

Important New Warnings oOo for those who have been drawn
unsuspectingly into the use of bread: oOo

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming
households score below average on standardized tests. oOo oOo

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in
the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years;
infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in
childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and
influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 85.7 percent of violent crimes are committed within
24 hours of eating bread. oOo oOo

5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of
bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as
little as two days. oOo

6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to
"harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even
cold cuts! oOo oOo

7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. oOo oOo
Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, oOo it follows that eating bread could
lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey oOo bread-pudding person. oOo oOo

8. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees
Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one
minute.

10. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish
between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical
babbling. oOo oOo

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the
following broad bread restrictions: oOo oOo oOo

1. No sale of bread to minors.

2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete with
celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

3. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may
appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

4. Man cannot/ must not try, to live by bread alone-- oOo oOo
[ but also feed on the WORD that God has revealed about living abundantly in Christ!] oOo

oOo oOo THIS IS CERTAINLY FOOD FOR THOUGHT... but don't overdo it,
some "expert" opinions on this topic just might be half-baked. oOo oOo

I really had to pinch myself after reading this-- it surely is a recipe for disaster in the USA!
If you encounter ideas that seem puffed-up, just punch them down and
begin again. oOo oOo Be careful! New dangers can occur when you yeast expect it.
Often these things will ferment when left alone in a warm, dark place. oOo oOo

This gives rise to certain other cautions-- oOo oOo
Beware of those claiming to be born and bread in the U.S.;
Be suspicious of those that use floury language, oOo but have a
lot of dough on their hands-- take them with a grain of salt;

Don't spread yourself too thin-- it helps to roll with the punches;
Fold over in the middle and you'll double in size; oOo oOo

oOo oOo When pressed for information, ask who kneads to know.

Missouri executes serial child killer

SHOW ME that we are rid of this menace-- and when will we be rid of the rest like him??

A Missouri man was executed [ FINALLY!] Wednesday for the 1986 murder of a 9-year-old schoolgirl he lured into his home and then strangled. Vernon Brown, 51, received a lethal dose of chemicals and was pronounced dead at 2:35 a.m. EDT, a prison official said.

oOo Hopefully this man had no children, so this disgusting serial lineage of family evil has come to a final bitter end. We can only grieve for everyone affected by this horror. oOo

______________________________________________________________________

Urine Luck! Name Yur Pois-- er--PENIS

WASHINGTON (where else? the real story from Reuters)

Marketers of detoxifying drinks, [sic?] prosthetic penises and other products to thwart drug tests refused to answer questions on Tuesday from U.S. lawmakers. Most of the time criminals don't. Apparently business is booming on the Internet for these "products".

A mind is a terrible thing to waste, but at least you can do it at the expense of other idiots' money. oOo oOo

Owners of three companies, including one that sells a fake penis called "The Whizzinator," oOo oOo appeared at a congressional hearing under close scrotumy, but exercised their right-arm-ability not to testiculate. At least not on the floor. oOo oOo

Keeping their hands in full view, this motley crew of degenerates attempted to justify the use of various ruse-inators and tomfoolery to thwart drug enforcement. When asked to produce the evidence for their claims, one subject attempted to extricate "himself" [ or was it the "plastic-mini-me"] but was whacked-off at the wrist. oOo Ouch oOo

"We will get the facts, Ma'am. This won't stand up in court--just understand that," whispered one plain-clothes detective under the table.

Lawmakers said they were so outraged--

by marketers' brazen claims to help people hide use of cocaine, marijuana or other substances--that they weren't first to think of it themselves. . .
These devices appear to make it possible to also hide your Manhood (OR LACK-OF oOo ) in your pants. There would be a strong market of politicos for this, after all. oOo oOo

"There is absolutely no public good that can be derived from this activity," said a New Hampshire Republican. Vermont, however, had "no comment". Only private individuals need apply--Crackheads may use the backdoor. oOo oOo

One weiner loser who declined to testify was Dennis Catalano, president of Dick StucknHead Tech of California -- the male model for The Whizzinator, a prosthetic penis that sells for $1500 DM and promises to fool "witnesses of drug tests", and live chicken impersonators. oOo oOo
[note to self-- add this "job" to my wishlist]

Hundreds of products, with names like "Urine Luck," and "Pissus Rich" are easily identified by their purple sheathing and elastic rubber-appearance when compared to "the real McCoy" in public on-the-fly-open line-ups on the Hill. oOo oOo

Available over the Internet and in some health-food stores, [sic!] makes you want to eat NON-Organic!] the "offerings" include urine additives to mask drug use, and masks to drug urine drinkers in local pubs. [ And you thought Lite Beer was salty! ] oOo oOo
Some sell these to people as little as 30" (tall, that is).

oOo oOo

The list of affected high-security risk jobs cited as targets for these penile scams is impressive:

Airline pilots, school-bus drivers,

cafeteria ladies, nuclear bomb dealers,

politicians, pedophiles,

fecal-smear artists, con-men,

grifters, gangsters, scheisters, hobos and

shameless AI proponents of "humanity-is-progressing" evolutionism.

These and all others in positions dealing with global security the future of humanity, are subject to the insane capers of this new breed of fools.

oOo oOo It is reported that mandatory drug insertions, through prostethic eurethras, are to commense around the planet. This will be done by "Big Brother", often at random. "THIS represents a potential threat to our national security and public safety," one imbecilic public bonerhead said. [ which? who? whut? oOo Duuh-Oh. . . oOo oOo ]